We embark on a fresh new year, a time where our hearts are usually full of hope. Where our minds are making lists of how the year could look and what action we need to take to help that be. And yet in so many directions we turn there is talk of fear, loss, unknowns.
We are living in a time where Covid has created an unprecedented halt and adaption to life. Where political and racial division is heightened. Yet life carries on in so many ways, with grandparents lost to old age, others grappling with health, people grieving their finances, lost dreams and more.
I wonder as you sit here reading this where things in your own personal life sit. For me last year was one where there was grief. In June I had my twelfth miscarriage and it was one of the hardest for me to digest. On top of that was a change in role with the global bible study that saw me leave the nest in a time I felt in such need of it. For July and August I did two roles in tandem while grief of two sorts sat with me. The first, the loss of another baby longed for and life direction altered as hoped for. The second, leaving a class I’d been in for over nine years and God had overhauled my heart in such a profound way that the relationships with those beside were so precious. Then as the year ticked by as I just kept pushing to do and lead, give and be this grief sat unprocessed.
Anger and sadness simmered just below the surface with eace twist and turn. Each day a new opportunity came that I failed at. My emotions were trumping my logic and within was a turmoil that was ugly. So much lost.
In December as I sat around the table with dear friends to celebrate one of their birthdays we also celebrated the birth of our Lord that was coming soon. Gifts were exchanged and as I sat looking at a mug given hot tears fell to my cheek. Oh God, how do You never fail were the thoughts that swirled as I sat looking at it still. It said “Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD”. It took me back to my other miscarriage in the earlier days of them coming and going, that stung and was so hard to recover from too. That was the very verse God gave to remind me time and again He has GOT ME, even in this. How I longed to have the peace of days gone by. To be able to process grief more healthily and purposefully.
Then the break came and there was my needed stillness to just be. To think and feel. To cry and hope. To watch and listen. To replace lies with truth. To anchor and hold tight. While letting go and moving a step forward.
It reminded me of just where we need to turn when there is any type of grief. To God’s presence and His Word. Keep going to it purposefully so that we may navigate the rough waters as healthily and purposefully as we possibly can in our flawed beings but His wonderful Being.
I don’t think any of us have that same outlook as we embark on this unknown year that sees certain continuations. But how I pray for each of us we may find stillness with our Lord, navigate rough waters as best we can, be kind to ourselves, recall the wins and anchor to those truths, look out for one another and see this be a year we can finish with and be proud of in one way.