Line in the sand

By Natalia Hatton | Blog

May 09

The lingering notes of Jadore remind me of walking down the aisle and starting the rest of my life with my wonderful man.  The beat of music making their way to my ears take me back down memory lane to so many moments.  A simple smell or noise remind me of the ‘friend’ days with my guy as we started our adventure of growing and sharing and being and doing.  But they can also remind me of tough times, those moments you don’t always want to relive or remember.  In fact just last month we were at a wedding and the signing of the registry song was “Marry me” by Train.  To many sitting watching they were enjoying.  For me my heart stopped, I grabbed my mans leg and breathed.  Trying desperately not to allow floods of tears to come, to end up embarrassed and having to explain to a room of near strangers how the friend who had been my bridesmaid lost her husband to cancer and how even though our journeys don’t see us in each others life like once was, that takes me right back to a time of anguish for her and while I didn’t expect to be overcome I was.

Just like clothes in my wardrobe can do.  They remind me of the fun had as I held my friends new born, of the adventures and holidays had with my man and just all those fun moments of life.  But they also take me back to a place where I was holding on by a thread as I grappled with infertility and the road we were on…the dresses purchased to deal with false menopause, the comfortable items to deal with pain and procedures and more.  Even reminding me of the moments that a friend said words that hit and then saw her walk out of my world.

I am someone who has very clear opinions which is not always so easy when I get something in my head on just what item of clothing I want to go with something or for a moment.  It can sometimes take me years for it to be.  For the most part I buy things that I love, that will make me feel good as I wear them.  So because of that I buy quality and I have things for ten plus years.  But lately certain items take me back to moments I’d rather leave behind.  And so over the past months I’ve been on a mission.

All those items have been passed on, and new items are slowly, purposefully making their way in it’s place.  I am almost done and dusted with the line in the sand, the old being out and the new being in.  There are just two items I am in the process of getting made to have my small but versatile wardrobe complete.  And I have to say it feels good, it feels cathartic as if the trivial thing is the final piece of the puzzle to reflect what is and what is to come.  Reminding me how far my ever faithful, loving, extravagant God has tended and mended.  To set a firm line in the sand that satan has no right or place to take me back to places of grappling, to tell me lies or rob me of what is and what is yet to be.

The final thing I am working on is the embryos buried in the rose planter…to keep or to send off with honour.  But this is one I don’t want to act in haste with.  So when we moved the week before Christmas they came with us and I tend to them but wonder what to do.  You can’t remove what was, but nor do you want it to hang off you like a heaviness that sucks you back.  Tricky this thing called life.

Now I’m not suggesting you do a massive overhaul of your wardrobe because I realise most people are not as sentimental and sensitive as me.  Nor do people have a smaller wardrobe like I do so in the extensiveness those items get lost.  But what I am suggesting is you draw a line in the sand of where God has been at work so it’s reflected and enjoyed by you.  Sometimes those little and trivial things matter more than we realise and are the final touch to a master piece of God deep within.  Other times we are still in the big part but will you be diligent in giving God access to tend and mend.  I can assure you it’s well worth it.

I have this little frog holding a sign that says ‘Grow old with me, the best is yet to be’.  I gave that to my man in our dating years.  And while I’m not a knick knack person, or a keeper of much I have held on to that.  As you picture that allow God to remind you that no matter what season you are in while reading this there is every reason to keep on in hope, in joy, in expectation for the best is yet to be.  How I pray you and I live that out well!  That we may allow the tough moments to shape us for good, but to draw a line in the sand to go from strength to strength and enjoy more deeply the goodies that are.

About the Author

Natalia has bravely written two books that show a road not often talked about … infertility. She is real and vulnerable in it. Yet you see how God can turn broken pieces of her life into something beautiful, where deep faith and rich growth are seen.

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