What a wonderful journey with God this past month has been as I’ve dug into the first chapters of John to teach. In that space God has been layering truth, peeling back barriers and tending to my inner most being.
The girl from 2015 who felt on top of the world and ready to soar seemed lost in the rubble of last years hits and I wondered what would be. But oh how grateful I am for the tender work of my God, for His patience and attention to detail.
And so I again come to a place of letting go and letting God, where He is growing and refining me, whispering promises, truth and hope deep within. Showing me how secure and full now and one day is. Reminding me that I’ve not been discarded because of some grappling and woes. Tending to my heart to revive and replenish.
So I share three places that I’ve let go and let God this month in the hopes that you too will be drawn to God that He may do a work in you also.
First up….Last year a friend who I considered to be close and who I had allowed in to places of my life and heart that were largely off limits took a sharp turn. It felt like she let off a grenade in April of last year and through out the months to follow the shards of that continued to fall and hurt as those near grappled with the collateral damage. I hadn’t realised how far reaching it was until God tended and mended deeper. And I’ve now been able to let go, to move on and to reach out for friendship again.
Next one…If you’ve been on any of the twelve and a half year journey with me then you’ll know that I completely and utterly clung to the end result being us having a family and cherishing those precious bundles. At various milestones items were purchased to mark a moment, to keep hope alive, and dear ones added to that too.
But as this year dawned and I would open up the cupboard where these items sat on a high shelf, above things I would come to daily, it seemed daunting. As if they mocked me in my place of waiting, bargaining and now questioning. How long could a girl cling to certain words and moments before she looked a fool? Getting closer to the cut off age of what seemed acceptable, getting more entrenched in this couple life and unsure what God was doing and what I want that to be.
I pulled it all down, held it in my hands and felt a sense of freedom as I parted with well over half of it. Some going to the hospice shop and others going to people on their own journeys and in need of a blessing. The shelf now doesn’t mock, it doesn’t seem daunting, rather it reminds me of a road walked and of things that have shaped me in a good way, and a wonder at what will be.
Now with things let go I am able to fully invest in where God has me, at the ready to be taught and grown. No longer bargaining and waiting, holding off because of what if and maybe. No longer wrestling with the fact I opened my big mouth and may end up with egg on my face. For I see what matters most and am content in that.
Lastly…with those two things above under wrap God spoke to me deeply through a man named John. As my eyes lingered on chapter 3, verses 22 on I marvelled at a man who knew his lane and thrived in it. John didn’t pester for a change in job description, he didn’t make it about himself and he didn’t wrestle with baggage over his purpose.
Here I was an adult, but I kept taking God back to my youth. A time where I saw brokenness seep out of people on all sides and it wasn’t appealing. Serving in any capacity wasn’t my gig. I made a deal and though it was one sided I kept dragging us back to it. I wanted to be a wife and mum. I wanted to offer sweeping floors and stacking chairs as my two cents to things of God. I kept pointing God to see those who were better suited and able to do what He had for me. I kept pointing out my weaknesses and short comings in the hope He would see I was not the fit.
Sure I was obedient in doing the book, stepping in when asked to be a children’s leader, then a group leader and now a substitute teaching leader BUT there was always this constant internal friction that stopped me from much. On the outside it appeared like I was good to go, like I was fully on board with what God was unfolding. And truth be told there were moments God had so captured my heart that I thought I was all in and ready to go.
It wasn’t until early this year that I saw my place of defiance and struggle for what it was. And once I had and read John 3:22-36 God again did a work deep within that only He can do. Layer by layer since 2013 God has faithfully, persistently, tenderly been at work. Peeling back layers, tearing down barriers and in it’s place breathing life and so much more.
I know my God is calling me, maturing me and using me. So much of it doesn’t make sense to me, but I don’t want to miss out anymore. I don’t want to make it about me when it’s not. I want to let go and let God. I want to see the joy and be content at the finished work of my wonderful God’s hand. And so it’s time to stop dragging God back to a place in my youth where I lay down the law, to let go and allow myself to fully invest in the here and now. To get every morsel I can at the blessings and privileges that are. To continue being tended and mended, matured, grown and refined that I may point all the clearer to Him.
Where may God be asking you to let go and let Him do a beautiful thing?
How is God asking you to relinquish fear and trust that letting go doesn’t mean giving up or settling for second best?
Rather it is resting in the promise that God has got you, is for you and will do something far more than you could hope or imagine as you allow Him to whisper dreams and life and purpose within.